rise and shine.

its 5 a.m

rise and shine.
pray
and do whatever your heart desire :)

Happy friday to you!!

I wish a happy day for you.
Enjoy it with all  your heart.
May happiness be yours.

I keep thinking that somewhere out there, there is a person who silently reading all my posts.

Happy friday to you!!

I wish

I wish
I wish that out there, there is someone waiting for me.

I wish
I wish that out there, there is someone who endlessly thinking about me.

I wish
I wish that when the right time come, I am able to live with the man I love with my whole heart.

ع 

enjoy your day :)

wake up early.
start planning your day.
pray and recite quran.
eat breakfast and all those supplement.

enjoy your day :)

forever gemuk forever alone

Kena start diet dengan serius.

Kena exercise every morning for 30 minutes atleast

kena jaga makan...

tapi

tapi

tapi....

selera makan tengah kuat sekarang

nak buat macam mana...

masak sendiri sedap sangat..

forever gemuk forever alone laaa..

genta rasa

Assalam..

Someone dear to me ask this question today.

When are you getting married?

Is there is anyone you like?

Such a tough question actually.

I am afraid that I might have lost the desire to get married though.

I have so much comfort in being alone. 

Yet, at some point, it hurts so much that I end up crying alone in the darkness of night.

So far, I have denied the existence of love genes in my body.

For those things will never occur to me.

Might not have a chance maybe.

At these age, I have focused my energy more into chasing my whole life ambition.

What remain in me is only the desire to get a stable life.

******************************************************************************

banyak merepek merapu

meluah rasa hati yang tak terluah pada manusia

dahulu aku pernah kenal dia

hampir aku serahkan seluruh hati kepadanya

walaupun aku tak kenal siapa dia yang sebenarnya

kini aku gembira bukan lagi dengannya

tetapi dengan sebuah kehidupan fantasi

dalamnya hanya ada bahagia yang aku cipta.

bahagia yang tak mungkin aku rasa dalam kehidupan realiti.

through the longest lonely night.

having no one to talk to, is something that really sad.
sad..
because at that time, you realized that you are a loner..
you have no friends, your family living far away from you..
plus you are also an introvert.
something that will turning you into a person who loves to talk to yourself.

you love imagining things, occasions, events and anything that you wish in your life
but suddenly you will realized that, it would not happened.

you start to fall in love with your own imagination.
your own creation of an ideal man who fits all the requirements that you want in a man.
he is so true that sometimes, you start seeing him sitting besides you..
strolling along the long bushy road, holding your right hand.
cuddling together in your own fluffy comforter especially during winter nights..

but then, reality always comes crushing your idle fantasy..
sometimes, he won't comes to you
even you are searching for him in all your dreams...
because he just a fantasy...


you still a loner with no one to talk to..
you only have your self..
and sometimes tears is all you have..
and in the worst night, even tears are not there to accompany you through the longest lonely night.

sunyi...

sunyi
sunyi
sunyi...

other people keep getting married..
having babies of their own..
having a loving small family..
have a job of their dream..
live in their cozy house..

sunyi
sunyi
sunyi...

and here i am..
still alone
a loner at this age..
no true friends
no partner
no lover
no husband
no babies to hug

sunyi
sunyi
sunyi...

why did people get married?
why did people falling in love?
why did people get all this but not me..

????

kalaulah...

Kalaulah.

kalaulah suatu ketika dahulu, 

aku beranikan diri untuk bertemu dengan si dia.

mungkin sekarang aku dan si dia sudah berada dalam satu hubungan yang serius.

kalaulah suatu ketika dahulu, 

aku beranikan diri untuk menjawab panggilan telefon dari si dia,

mungkin sekarang aku dan si dia bukan lagi sekadar berbalas comment di laman mukabuku.

kalaulah suatu ketika dahulu, 

aku tidak sepi mendiamkan diri,

menghilang tanpa khabar berita,

diam tanpa membalas setiap pesanan dari si dia,

mungkin sekarang si dia pun tidak akan melakukan perkara yang sama kepadaku.

kalaulah suatu ketika dahulu,

aku punya keberanian untuk berada dalam sebuah hubungan yang matang dan serius,

mungkin sekarang akan tidak akan sepi bersendirian.

kalaulah suatu ketika dahulu,

aku bukanlah seorang yang takutkan komitmen,

mungkin sekarang aku dan si dia sudah punya sebuah keluarga kecil yang bahagia.

hakikat sebuah kalau.

mudah untuk aku menyalahkan masa lalu.

atas kesalahan yang aku sendiri lakukan.

aku tak seperti insan lain.

keberanian aku bukan untuk sebuah percintaan.

komitmen aku bukan untuk berkasih sayang.

masa depan aku bukan untuk air mata.

kalaulah aku tidak menyesal dengan setiap keputusan yang aku lakukan.

adanya aku disini, 

adalah kerana ku menyesali kebodohan diriku di masa lalu

yang tidak pernah mengerti betapa kau ikhlas dalam perhubungan itu.

kalaulah aku sudah bersedia ketika itu.

 

segala-galanya mungkin berbeza sekarang ini.

-ع-

salam.

my last post on this blog was on december 23rd, 2012.
it was 3 years ago.
and today, i have decided to start blogging my piece of mind again.

 sort of trying to find a place expressing my feeling.
after all this time, still alone. A loner. yes, that is me.

for a starter.
now i am already 26 years old.
still struggling to get my first degree..
a year and half more.

there is a man that i get to know.
almost gave my heart to him, as i think he might be the one for me..
but as usual, i am the one who back off from that relationship.
fear of commitment.
a reason that i gave to myself, but i am not brave enough to tell him that.
in the end, we both take our own route.
the relationship just end. like that.

but, sometimes i do pray for his success.
whether in work, health or relationship.
sincerely. Deep from my heart.